I HATE PEOPLE THAT REFER TO ME WRITING IN CAPS AS BEING ANGRY OR AKIN TO SHOUTING. WHAT'S ANGRY ABOUT HAVING LARGER LETTERS? I AM JUST TRYING TO CONVEY THE ENERGY THAT I BRING TO EVERYDAY CONVERSATION.
ME - CAN I HAVE SOME EGGS?
WAITRESS - DON'T HURT ME!
ME - SCRAMBLED!
WAITRESS - I HAVE KIDS!
ME - AND TOAST!
SEE? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING THAT AGGRESSIVE ENERGY DRINK ENEMA EVERYDAY BEFORE GREETING THE WORLD OUTSIDE MY BOMB SHELTER! I AM TALKING NORMALLY, AND IF I WRITE THIS WAY IT IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY UTTER CONVICTION ABOUT NOT FUCKING AROUND WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. UNDERSTAND? GOOD!
AND WHEN DID USING !!!!!!! BECOME UNCOOL? EXCLAMATION POINTS SIGNIFY WHEN SOMEONE IS SHOUTING THROUGH THEIR WORDS. LOOK AT THIS EXAMPLE!
FUCK OFF.
FUCK OFF!
WHICH ONE REPRESENTS ME TELLING AN OLD LADY THAT CALLED THE COPS ON MY FILM CREW TO FUCK OFF? WAS IT A - THE STATEMENT WITH THE PERIOD AND MENSTRUAL CRAMPS, OR B- THE FUCKING SWEET DECLARATION OF NONSENSE HATE WORDS?
IT WAS B, DUH! OLD LADY, I WILL FIND YOU AND TEXT YOU IN ALL CAPS TILL YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK, BECAUSE I GUESS I'M "shouting" AT YOU!
And hey, thank you for reading this far. It was a 10 cent idea that I just ran with. - Chris Nuth
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