About a month ago, I went out on my porch for maybe 10 seconds to get some dirt out of my shoes when this guy across the street yells, “ey man. Ey! Can I get like 75 cents? Please? It’s for the bus, I really need it.” And I was like shit, I guess I got a pile of change on my nightstand that I don’t give a shit about. “For sure man I got you.” (sidenote: I gave a homeless guy some change the day before that. I’m like a fucking philanthropist.) –And p.s. to give you an idea of what he looks like (not him but close):
So I come back, and the first words out his mouth are, “ey man, I’m sorry, I was lyin. I’m tryin to get a blunt though, you smoke?”
*pause*
“uuuuuh. Yeah”
“well you wanna blaze? Like I got some nugs, you don’t have to throw down, but you buy the blunt, and we’ll smoke?”
(I can’t say no to a bargain.)
“uh, okay. Sure.”
“ok cool. But um, it’s a dollar for the blunt, not 75 cents. So I need another quarter.”
Really? If you’re gonna beg/lie you may as well ask for the right amount. This was the first little point where I went “god damn this dude is weird.”
So anyway, he comes in, we twist one and get to talking. He mentions being from Oakland or something so I’m like, “alright cut the shit. You rap or what?” He looks at me all seriously like, “hell yeah man, I can spit bars. People always tell me like ‘oh Chris you’re so good at rapping, you should be a rapper.’”
He goes by Chris Money.
So I’ve been making hip hop beats for fun for a while and have a bootleg “studio” in my room. I get him in there and we record a 4 track EP. Then I lied to him a bunch. The basic rundown of our conversation is: I’m a tweaker, my housemate’s a tweaker, we were both tweaking at the time, I had some crystal he might be able to buy, and a girl was coming over that, while I couldn’t make any promises, I’d ask if we could run a train on. He was pretty hyped on that one. But as much as I made some shit up, you gotta understand most of it came from him asking ridiculous questions and me just being like, “yes.” He’d say shit like, “ey, man, ey. You all buzzin’ and shit right now? Like a raccoon? (raccoon is his slang for crackhead) You itchin?” I’d casually look at him like, “yep.” Pretty subdued. Clearly not on meth. Maybe throw in a calm neck scratch here and there and he’d crack up to himself.
But anyways, peep the goods. The music is okay, but the lyrics are deep, cerebral, and life-changing. This guy is a real wordsmith. Some themes you may notice in the flows: Chris gets money, he goes far, he gets cheddar, he’s in a castle, and he comes out of places. Tell your friends that you knew about him before he totally blew up.
Colours2 ft. Chris Money by julian7114
Mbira Spirit ft. Chris Money by julian7114
AndyW-LoveIsBlue ft. Chris by julian7114
Gladys-IfIWere ft. Chris by julian7114
Epilogue: Chris wanted to come over the next day and I thought, “oooooo …nah.” So I gave him my phone number and told him NOT to come over without calling me. The next morning I awoke to my phone ringing and about 8 missed calls. All Chris Money. I was kinda pissed and told him that he can’t call me that early and he can’t come over. Then, he came knocking at the door unannounced after dark a few times, once at like 12:30pm. We had to tell him that he can’t come back, ever. So, moral of the story: even though you can get a lot of mileage out of the story and fulfill homework requirements, it’s probably a better idea to not invite Chris Money into your home and tell him that you have crystal and girls he can run trains on. I’m sincerely learning from my mistakes.
Download them here: http://www.mediafire.com/?o5umkomhmgi
And blow off your assignments by checking these instead (cheers for shameless self-promotion!):
www.wediditcollective.com
www.myspace.com/djjuj
*Reeeeaallly really long, I know. Sorry.
real talk some body get this dude a guitar
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