Misadventures in Bed

The other night I was in bed with a friend with benefits trying to get to those benefits, while also being careful of making sure the old ass bed frame didn’t creak and crack too much to not bother my housemates. It’s a hard game. Things are getting hot and heavy, and she leans close and says “Baby, get a condom.”, so trying to keep the mood I start kissing my way down. When I get to the end of the bed where I keep my sin stash, I fumble around pipes, bottles, and handcuffs when all of the sudden everything goes wrong. My old ass frame’s pine spine snaps and I plunge to the floor, well half the bed was still up, which propels her to me face first. And just as I turn to her we smash faces. Instantly both noses just start spraying blood like it was a Tarantino movie and the sheets look like the horror movie my life had suddenly become. Well of course I don’t have any napkins in the room, and she’s making a fuss, so I scramble to get my robe on to get to the bathroom. I forget that the bed frame is exposed now, so I trip on it and yell, spraying blood all over one wall. I put my robe on, and run out to find that the bathroom is occupied, and I didn’t want to see my roommate with blood rushing at both ends like that. I run to the kitchen instead, slip on a folded box, and bleed on the floor, grab the roll of paper towels, run back in time to see my housemate’s horrified face, duck into the room and find that my bloody hands have stained the whole roll. We get cleaned up, and because women are fickle, she wasn’t in the mood anymore. The next day I clean the house and I want to find a new place to put my stash, turns out I didn’t even have a condom.

Merlin Jones-Blog #2 (Sorry if it's a bit long... ha)

1st Blog Gary Dominguez New Roomate

So I live on campus at College 8, and I had an awesome roommate who I was really good friends with. Well that was all flushed down the toilet when he got kicked out of housing. Apparently, drinking large quantities of alcohol and smoking lots of weed in the hallways in front of the RA’s room every day is not aloud, who knew.
Well, after having a couple days of freedom in my single, I got a wonderful new roommate, Kevin!!! That’s how my friends and I always referred to him, in a yelling voice. Kevin’s name was never “kevin”, it was always “!!!!!KKEEVVIINN!!!!”, no matter if he was doing homework next to me at 2 AM, or across the dinning hall at lunch.
I didn’t just play jokes on Kevin to be mean, it started when he became an impossible roommate to live with. When I first met Kevin, he greeted me with a low grunt and a barely audible hello. Then, he continued to say that the room was divided by an imaginary line, and that we could not cross the line. I continued to say, “Fuck you KEVIN!!!”. This was just one of the examples I have, and could go on for days, but you get the point.
So needless to say I had to get back at Kevin and fuck with him. One time, Kevin’s parents came to our dorm room to visit I decided it was my chance. I heard a knock on the door, and immediately came up with my brilliant plan on the spot. I stipped but ass naked as Kevin opened the door, walked up to Kevin, kissed him on the cheek, and said “thanks baby for the amazing night.” Needless to say, his very oriental and traditional family was not pleased with him. I also didn’t stay around for the reaction of Kevin.
The rest of the year was a series of pranks and controversies. Much like the disturbed show on MTV. It probably could have been a reality TV show, and an entertaining one at that with all the shit that went down. Tune in to my blogs to here more stories about KKKEEEEVVVIIIINNNN, BG 251 (my room) and myself.