Mason Newstead

I had 3 pages that I had written before class, but I talked to you and you said it was okay for me to type it up and just mention that you had said that to me. But around 4:30 I wrote a pretty good set I think so I'm just going to post that and use that for my blog.

This isn’t made up, Im just explaining the blog that I just wrote for the past hour and a half
It was 4am and I was in the shower and I just kept getting all these reallyyy good ideas for jokes and I think because I’m high I was able to like jump around from idea to idea really well, but all my ideas were very dependent on each other, so I still had it all in my head when I got out of the shower, and I reallyyy didn’t want to just go to sleep and forget all this
So I typed it all up and this is what I came up with and I think that its a really good start for something good, now I can go in and just find the funniest way to say each little joke idea that I have throughout the act. But yea it seems like maybe I should just save this for the final because I want time to say everything. Oh and by the way I just wanted to try to give a little bit more explanation behind my joke today. My first girlfriend had a younger sister that everyybody thought was ridiculously hot, while not that many people thought that my girlfriend was hot. Like honestly, her younger sister was too hot for me even. So of course she has a lot of jealously towards her, and really the ultimate revenge on my ex girlfriend would be to hook up with her sister. So I had that idea, and the topic was breakups, and I just didn’t know what to do with that joke. So I figured like since everybody would be thinking that it was a reasonably younger sister (which it really was, and she was actually even like out of my league) that it would just be funny to suddenly take you all the way in the other direction with the wayy younger sister because that’s just not what you were expecting. I just said that as an idea initially to the group and they all thought that it was the best one that I had come up with. but that was my only intention, and I’m sorry for crossing the line. I was just hoping you could see how I came up with the joke in the first place. But yea, that really just wasn’t what I wanted to do a joke on. I've just been having so many ideas for observational humor. Please just know that I'm taking the class very seriously. I've been looking for humor in everything I can think of, and I've really just been trying to think of jokes all day long, there’s like no work In the class, yet I feel like I’m devoting the most of my energy to this class than any other. So I just got pretty bumbed when you said I failed today, because that's really not the kind of stuf I'm even trying to do, it was more just like all that I could think of with the prompt. Okay, well I really hope that you like my set, I’m sure some parts might not work if you just read them, but for the most part i think it’s pretty solid.
Okay, so it’s like 6:20 am and I'm finally done writing this...fuckin college.
So my friend Ralph just got a little boxer puppy the other day, and the tail was cut off and im like dude that’s fucked up to just cut a dogs tail off just to make it look more badass
And hes giving me all these excuses like oh well you know theyre like show dogs but they have this long pointy tail that doesn’t look good in shows so they just clip it off when theyre little babies and it doesn’t even hurt them
Iduno about you…but if I had a tail…and someone cut that shit off…idont care how old I was that would hurt like fucking shitt
So im guessing that theres like a lot of like animal lovers that get all mad about boxers tails getting cut off, and they probly have a bunch of rallys and stuf to you know “prevent this tragedy that is being bestoyed to all baby boxers” but I was thinking about it…and how is that shit any different from curcumsizing fucking babies….who also have no say in the matter
Like whos fucking standing up for them
I really doubt that theres any uncurcumsized guys out there who are lookin at their foreskin one day and just say one day…oh wow…this nice piece of skin that keeps my dick from getting dry…..i think I want to cut that off……
No, that shit would never happen
I think im going to start to protest the curcumsizion of babies
That shit is up to the fucking kid…not the parents
I like how all these pro life people spend all this time defending the rights of these unborn babies just so that they can cut half their dick off against their will straight out of the woom
Iduno
Just seems kinda ironic to me haha
But yea, I love my mom…she decided to leave the descision of weather or not I wanted to get surcumsized up to me….and guess what I decided to do!?
I know pretty tough call on that one
But yea I really don’t care
I mean I was slightly warmer than most people on the naked run
Haha
And I haven’t met a girl yet whos cared….actually my last girlfriend who I dated back in sd for like the past year was like a totalllll virgin before we were together and im almost positive that my dick is the only one shes ever seen
So of course in her mind every guy just has that cuz that’s just normal for her
But I kinda worry about her back home….like the first time she sees some other guys dick shes in for a pretty big shock….i mean theres guna be like a good amount of skin missing from what shes used to right?
Shes guna be like reaching down some guys pants (act it out) and pull out all the sudden and be like “oh my god! Are you okay? were you born without that? That’s soo weird…can I see?”
And hes just guna be like what the fuck haven’t you seen a dick before?
And I mean she has, shes seen a real dick before it gets chopped up
I mean you cant blame her for getting freaked out if she does
Id be fuckin freaked out too if I had only seen one vagina my whole life and then when I finally come across my second vagina in my life and it has a huge chunk missing…
Yea id be pretty freaked out
Haha
But yea, that just could never happen…Ive watched porn, like all guys im pretty sure, since before I was even old enough to get it up
Cuz I mean the female form is a pretty amazing thing
(possibly say to teacher something like “you really should look at one sometime” or something funny could be used just because he doesn’t find it amazing and beautiful)
That’s my ex girlfriends problem
I mean shes probly never watched porn her whole life….wich is fine
But shes in for that pretty big surprise wich could be easily avoidable by just watching a little bit of porn
Every single dick in porn is circumsized
It fucking sucks
When you watch porn they film it so that the viewer can put himself in the place of the pornstar or whatever….well I cant do that shit when nobodys dick on porn looks anythingggg like mine
Ill go through like 20 videos and I just cant imagine it
And then all the sudden ill come across a 30 second clip with a guy in it who isn’t circumsized…and im like helllll yeaa
And I just watch that shit like 4 times in a row and im good
But yea
Watching porn is tough for us uncircumsized kids
But I mean what am I really talking about… im pretty sure that anybody who really wants to jack off is fairly capable of that on their own even without a computer
My names mason newstead and im not circumsized!