Vamps

Emily Selya

Comedy Blog

What is with the obsession over the vampire film Twilight? The fans are all literally insane. A few girls scratched their necks until they bled and then begged the star of the film, Robert Pattinson, to bite them and change them into vampires. Don’t they realize that Robert Pattinson is not actually a vampire but just an actor? They are truly insane. My cousin is one of these crazy fans and firmly believes as long as Robert is single she has “a shot with him.” First off he’s a huge celebrity and second off she is thirteen years old. Why do people believe just because he is single he will be with them? People are really obnoxious and obsessed with this series. You say the name Edward they scream, have pale skin they scream, say there is a ‘new moon’ out in the sky and they scream, it is absolutely ridiculous. I have even heard that there are girls that put their dildos in the freezer so that it would be like fucking a vampire. What is wrong with our world? These people are crazy and Robert Pattinson was even hit by a car running from crazy fans. Since this film became so big the television network is putting anything vampire up and people are watching it. They have shows like the vampire diaries and true blood (which is actually good). No one seems to think there is anything wrong with a one-hundred and nine year old vampire stalker being with a teenage girl. The whole thing is bizarre and wrong. Twilight’s popularity is really freaking out born again christains and they say “Twilight and Harry Potter are the devils tools.” Ironically Robert Pattinson starred in both films making him the most hated person among born again Christians. All I have to say to crazy twilight fans is stop fucking popsicles and get a life.