CARROTS!

Gareth Meeson
Blog numba 4
So i was eating a carrot the other day while at my friends house. Jeff (one of the guys that lives there) says to me, "Dude, you know that because you eat so many carrots it means that you love to give blow jobs?" What the fuck? After about
5 minutes of confusion, he told me that eating any sort of semi-cylindrical food in public means you love to give head. So apparently now i can't eat carrots, opsicles, twinkies, cucumbers, sausage, or pretzel sticks. Worst fucking day of my life. The next time i ate a carrot in front of him he laughed at me, so i threw my carrot at him. It ended up hitting him in the eye. Hows that for karma bitch? He quickly told me that he was joking about the whole thing. I pulled out my secondary carrot that i always keep in my back pocket and walked away in silence. The room grew cold, i knew it was time. I turn around to see Jeff pull out a bag of potatoes. The potatoes fly by my face as i tried to deflect them with my carrot-sword. The battle seemed to last for days, neither of us stepping down. I was tired, and i knew i would entually get too sloppy to dodge the barrage of potatoes. I turn my head to see a potato just miss the tip of my nose, i watch as it explodes just like a potato would on the wall behind me. THUD. He got me. I was down on the ground, i could feel the blood ripping down my face, the sweet smell of carrots filled the air. I knew this was my last chance. I threw my carrot at Jeff's face. It went straight through his forehead. I pulled myself away from the scene, and stumbled back to my lair. To this day i remember my old friend Jeff. RIP.