Costco Has Everything

Zack Oleinik

Costco is a society in its self. Held together by low prices, large quantities and a thin layer of sticky shit fermented on everything there. At Costco the supper supper market mecca, you can buy a camera, take pictures and develop and digalitalize your photos without leaving. You can by a handle of alcohol for the same price as a fifth anywhere else. Except at Costco you have to buy a six pack of handles, and I did the math and that is equivalent to two hundred and forty drinks. But its ok because if you walk half a mile down the hard concrete floor to the dark damp corner of the this dungeon, alcoholics anonymous is having their daily session. There is actually a certified Planned Parenthood in the other corner, and in the middle of the place on Sundays there is a church service. Costco has it all sex, drugs and rock n roll. Couples have actually been married at these services and the wedding was completely catered with dank pizza, berry smoothies, churros and chicken bakes. Their son was conceived in by the flat screen televisions, and the parents named him P.C. to give respect to the original Costco formerly known as Price Club. The shopping carts at Costco are so nice that if a bum pushes one he becomes a transient. And I swear if you ever make to the very back end of one of these places, people actually live back there. It can be done, live off of free sample platters and sleep on bubble rap, hell it wouldn't even be that bad of a life. Gosh I love Costco, if only I had a card.