Ban Meterosexuals!

“A party promoter has banned "metrosexuals" from a popular club night in a bid to stamp out violence.” A real article in the Herald Sun (sounds legit) from Melbourne, Australia banning Ed Hardy muscle tees, unisex skinny jeans, and basically all of American Apparel because more than hand guns and Swiss Army knives, deep v’s cause more hostility in clubs than the mix of bros and alcohol. I mean I’ve never been violently accosted by a man who chooses to groom himself over a man that doesn’t, but I guess a meterosexual can get pretty hostile when there’s some “accidental” spillage on their new white Ralph Lauren Oxford button down. The only men that I’ve been scarred of are the Downtown LA crack dealers, the Arizona Frat brothers and Mickey Rourke. Like honestly when have you ever been scarred of a meterosexual? Maybe when he’s approached you telling you your outfit was so five years ago or your tri-blend navy blue cardigan doesn’t match your Minnetonka moccasins, but honestly, has a meterosexual ever come up to a BLOOD’s member confronting him that his tall tee didn’t compliment his figure or that his flat hat is clashing with his Nike dunks? I don’t think so. Since meterosexuals usually come in petite packages, not to be confused with twinks, the effeminate pre-pubescent gay boy. Bros, the antithesis are alpha male idiots, usually inarticulate, belligerent douche bags, who enjoy spending their afternoons engaging in such games as beer pong and flip cup. I doubt these two males would ever approach each other in a nightclub, let allow be seen/photographed in that club together. A meterosexual is far too concerned with public appearances, photo ops, and bathroom primping to spend time in a dingy dive bar, playing pool while trying to score a tit and tap with Hugh Heffner’s college pick of the week. Ever get near a crowd of bros with six packs and massive guns? Terribly bad idea, you’ll find yourself in a brawl between flying buttons off a fitted Marc Jacobs blazer and rips in a some oversized logo shirt that says something along the lines of “don’t tase me, bro”…I’d say it’s time to get the Axe or can I recommend the new Gucci Pour Homme cologne? Touché.