College Ten by Mike Madden

Being a student means that you are going to experience many new things. You might hear some new sounds that you have never heard such as moaning coming from the bathroom or new curse words that you never knew existed like, "Son of a Biscuit!" Some of the experiences will leave you in a moment, just like when Hillary Clinton ran for office. Other experiences will stick with you, just like when Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary Clinton. Nonetheless, I had the honor of experiencing a life changing situation, and I would love to tell all of you about it. It was just the other day when I was walking to my car and heard a horrible sound. It was coming from a College Ten dorm building and it sounded just like what sex addicts like to call the "BIG O." But it sounded like the girl was the one really getting it. The boy, if there even was one, must have had some very animalistic qualities to provoke such a sound from the girl. I imagine he had hair everyone on his body, including the arches of his feet. His odor would have to be quite pungent, like that of a dog turd lit on fire by a magnifying glass. I continue to walk down the sidewalk and the sound of sex slowly fades away into the horizon. I was, in my own mind, officially in the clear! But then, from out of no where, a smell hits me! A smell that is quite strong and edgy to say the least. It was the smell of marijuana. God! I love Santa Cruz! Gotta love the wonderful transitions you can find around this campus. Quite honestly, I feel that smoking pot is just fucking disgusting. It would be kind of like smoking a cigarette out of a skunk's asshole. I don't find the appeal, but then again, who I am to say. I watch Oprah. Religiously.