What's Wrong with Alex? Alex Finlay

So I think I found out what’s wrong with me, medically at least. It’s been a long journey of doctors visits where they tell me nothing’s wrong and I’m just kind of crazy and then they kind of suggest that I go see a psychiatrist and then I go and he tells me that there’s nothing wrong but here’s a few Zoloft to get me by and then I go back because I think the Zoloft made me more depressed so here’s some Prozac, its stronger HOLY SHIT IT IS. Anyway, I’m not depressed, I have an underactive thyroid! No it’s true I really think I perhaps maybe could possibly have hypothyroidism. Maybe. I mean, it totally would make sense. Symptoms? Weight gain? Last year, I gained like 30 pounds even though I was walking more than I ever have in my life. I should have lost weight last year except oh yeah um. Dining hall? Oh…But besides that, I also have major mood swings and I’m always irritated. But you know, that could just be that I live with a bunch of fucktards. The one that I absolutely despise was trying to complain to me how no one does their dishes. Was he trying to provoke pity from me because I’m the one who wakes up 3 hours before class to clean the kitchen, only to take a shower and 15 minutes later the entire spoon supply is dirty and there’s crumbs everywhere and PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK.

Anyway, I think I might have hypothyroidism. Last year I thought I had arthritis. I mean, all my joints hurt, and my knees and ankles were swollen all the fucking time. That’s not hypochondriac, that logic. Unfortunately, the doctor was on crack and told me I was fine and he doesn't know why my joints hurt and swell up. I bet he barely graduated med school. Okay so there was this one time when I thought I had tooth cancer. But hold that thought...

Okay so I was just talking about my fucking annoying roommates. Now one of them is eating, no, slurping like a goddamn anteater. How do you slurp oatmeal?? We do have carving knives in the kitchen, he better watch himself.

Anyway, back to tooth cancer. I thought I had a tumor on my tooth. Now that I think about it, it was a little silly. But it makes sense that you can get tooth cancer, right? Anyone heard of bone cancer? Yeah well guess what teeth are? That’s like anatomy 101 right there. Don’t call me crazy when you don’t know what teeth are.