Two different expectations of Santa Barbara by David Leavitt

The Innocent Side:

So this weekend I’ve decided to join the circus and go to Santa Barbara for Halloween, and as much as I am excited about it, I’m not expecting anything to crazy. I think I will be able to handle myself well, because I’m not to much of a trouble-maker. Some people talk about Santa Barbara as if it’s some mythical place where every possible scenario involving unprotected intercourse, waking up in somewhere that you’re not familiar with, and excessive amounts of drinking comes true. I simply just don’t believe that this happens on a daily basis there, and there is no way in heck that I’m looking to get into any of those things in Santa Barbara if they do exist. I’m just looking to have a good time with my friends and wear a costume.

The Bad Side:

So this weekend I’ve decided to join the circus and go to Santa Barbara for Halloween and I gotta admit, I’m expecting big things. Santa Barbara has a pretty big reputation for being a crazy party school where crazy shit goes down, and I fully expect and embrace all the crazy shit that could happen to me this weekend. I mean I’m going all out man, I don’t give a fuck who I fuck, if I fuck them without practicing unprotected fucking, or if I’m fucking and I don’t remember it. But really, when it all comes down to it, I want to look back at my Halloween weekend at Santa Barbara as if it can never be topped by any other trip I take in my life, as if it was one of the dudes in The Hangover. Lets just put it this way, If I don’t wake up the day after Halloween in a small red wagon, in a house located at least three states east of California, with eight new tattoos all located near and around my ass, holding onto the hand of my new mail-order bride from Thailand, while surrounded by goats, chickens and other farm animals, I’m gonna call this weekend a disappointment. Plain and simple.