Menstruation and Hippie Theater.

This is Caroline Klink, and I have absolutely no patience for writing a god damn blog right now. I'm going to blow through this whole thing as quickly as possible so I can get back to my Ben & Jerry's. I have a bucket of cookie dough in my freezer, and I'm not making it wait for me. So anyway...I work five hours every night on wardrobe duty for "Moving Voices", a UCSC production that is the epitome of all things hippie and pointless. The show itself is a cast of people moving about on stage, doing some kind of activity like looking at a tree, or searching for their shoes, or tripping balls quietly in the corner, while making a series of disturbing noises, while in the background, sitar and cello music adds a kind of acid-trip vibe to the already painfully boring experience. I don't honestly know how it can be called theater when I could easily have written an IDENTICAL play, my inspiration being what occurs in my apartment on a day-to-day basis. I was almost sure there had to be some deeper meaning than "student actors know how to pantomime picking an apple off a tree", but after hours of searching, the only conclusion I came to was that whoever wrote this is a self-involved, shallow, "look at me, I'm so deep" hippie scumbag with way too much free time.

Next, I'm going through every female's favorite time of the month. Yeah, that means I'm on the rag (so it is imperative that I return to my Ben & Jerry's rather soon). What that means for the rest of you is that you should probably buy a helmet if you are within a 500 yard radius of me. I've recently developed the urge to strap a couple of homemade explosive devices to my chest and sprint through the doors of a shopping mall and scream "DIE, YOU DISGUSTING CONSUMERIST SHITBAGS" just before blowing myself and everyone around me straight to the bowels of hell. Then I realized what time of the month it was, and calmed down a little. I realized it wasn't worth the effort and ANOTHER felony charge, so I'm done with it. The world is safe for at least one more month.

After that, you fuckers are on your own. Buy a helmet.