Madelyn Somers
Stand Up Comedy
Oct. 14, 2009
So I recently studied abroad in England for 6 months, the farthest I’ve been away from my parents, who seem to have thought that the streets of London were equivalent to the Dharavi Slums of Mumbai. It’s like just because they’re known for good Indian food doesn’t mean it comes with a side of third world. In lieu of my mom’s maternal instincts she lined my suitcases with Pearl Super Tampax, Midol, and Fleet Glycerin Suppositories for the occasional traveler’s constipation, which were all great hometown surprises when I began to unpack in front of my new roommate (we hit it off great). And my dad insisted I keep an “emergency kit” on me at all times, you know for that slight chance I get Malaria from some parasite I’ve encountered while riding the Tube. So when I actually got sick I was forced to take the 7 Bayer's chewable, orange flavored, low dosage for "babies" aspirin, which was equivalent to 1 "adult" aspirin because that's all I could find in the first aid kit my dad made for me along with a pacifier and a diaper. The diaper came in handy when the suppositories came into effect, and the pacifier when I got home sick and needed to reminisce about sucking on my mom’s tittie, excuse me, tittie, seriously, I'm a woman, rewind, breast. I guess my parent’s always have my best interest at heart, regardless if they forget about the 30, 000 dollar Bat Mitzvah they threw for me inducting me into adulthood.
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