I've been growing out my beard (if you want to call it that) for about a week now, and I've gotten a lot of comments on it...mainly by straight guys, for some random reason. They're either ask things like "Dude, how the FUCK did your beard grow so fast?" or start giving me beard styling tips like “Grow fuckin’ huge mutton chops” or “Grow it out and then we’ll fuckin’ braid it” (I’m not even kidding…a straight guy wants to braid my beard…) This makes them come off as horny yet whiny little school-girls eye humping my overly manly face. With all this in mind, I have two questions to pose to you lovely readers...
1. Male readers... what's the big fuckin' deal? It's just a beard. I grew out my facial hair for shits 'n' giggles, so what? It's not like I'm curing cancer or anything. I've never understood why young males want facial hair so badly...I mean, it's not all that pleasant. It's itchy, it feels funny, and sometimes it doesn't even match the rest of your hair, which makes you look like you’re colorblind or something. Honestly, am I some kind of magician because my genetic makeup decides to highlight my face with a visible layer of red hair over one week? If that’s magic, then…shit.
2. If straight guys like it so much, why don't straight GIRLS? Seriously, all I've heard from my female friends who date guys with beards is "it feels fuckin' weird to kiss them now. Their hair gets in the way. It's icky and I don't like it." I usually hear how they break up sometime soon after...either that, or how the guy gets with the program and SHAVES IT OFF.
If you want to talk to people who enjoy your silly fashion tips, go to www.beards.org. I kid you not, that site exists, and it has more beard than the average person can handle.
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