Let's get some WORK DONE!

I would like to kvetch about plastic surgery and “routine” fixer uppers. What is with this new trend to feel so bad about a few crows toes, that you have to have a poison needle stuck into your skin to pertinently freeze the contours of your face and the natural wrinkles into a constant Halloween-mask smile. It’s like that scream character, totally retarded, yet everyone seems to do it because it’s the easy way out. “Oh shit sweetie, I forgot to think of a costume for the Negar’s Halloween bash. I might as well take out Billie’s scream mask from the 4th grade to the party instead.” Its just a shitty cheat to try and physically remove years of hardcore scouring and stressing. Or some people getting the color of your skin pigment changed, perplexes me. So staining your skin make you feel more powerful or better looking in society? Dang, congratulations, your just turned yourself into a poster board for fucked up western society and ideals. “Hey Cindy like my new tit-job?” I’m not really fond of my grandma getting a breast augmentation for her 100th birthday. “Neato Marve, nice and perky just like when we were kids…” Besides any kook crazy enough to judge your worth by the color or pattern of your skin would probably still feel like shit after having the largest organ in your body dyed too fight for the right to feel comfortable into society. Might as well get a sweet feline-fur-job to validate your past life as a leopardess princess. But I guess sometimes surgery is needed. Have you guys ever heard about people born as hermaphrodites? That would just SUCK. I mean and then some random doctor dude plays twister with testicles or ovaries. “Right hand scalpel, left hand nut sack.” Although it would be pretty funny if someone tried to impregnate themselves, but seriously how fucked up would the babies bee? Or would the just be like clones? I sure glad my parents don’t lie to me, because I asked them if that happened to me. But I’m still skeptical about the easter bunny being real.

- Ben Siegel