Emily Selya Standup Comedy Blog

Dear Mom,

Being a freshman is great! Stevenson College is so beautiful. It looks over a green field and there is a knoll where I can sit and get baked and fucked up with a bunch of stoners do homework. I know the tuition is expensive but it’s going toward important educational studies that will help my future like my standup comedy, personal computers and rigorous English core class. My roommates are wretched bitches who are always fucking in the room and send me texts to watch, join, or get the fuck out great. I really miss you and hope moving into the new house is going well.

Yesterday I went over to Aaron’s place and got really drunk, fucked a guy I didn’t know, and woke up on the roof met some of his friends. They were doped out lunatics that tried to feel me up nice. The people here are so conscientious of the environment; most don’t even shower use cloth bags for groceries.

The school has great clubs here and activities. Yesterday everyone went on a naked run together. It was fun to see so many penises J bond with others and get exercise at the same time. I don’t think I would do it again because my boobs are killing me it was too much exercise and tired me out. This experience is truly amazing because I’ve really been able to broaden my horizons. For example two days ago I saw a guy take hits of cocaine at a party met a student from England. I’m sorry that you will be unable to visit for my birthday on April 20^th due to the campus being closed for “construction” purposes. I would come visit but I really need to GET STONED keep up my studies. See you at thanksgiving. I love you.

Love,

Emily