Ranting: Halloween Edition

Before you read this blog, take a second and search for one of the following topics on google images: "Red Riding Hood, "cop, "dorothy." Each time you search, you guessed it, there's a slutty female costume on the front page. I'm surprised anybody buys that crap. Every costume is essentially the same shit with different colors: The skirt that is short enough to use as a rubber band and the frilly blouse thing that would only marginally allow you into a "no shirt no shoes no service" restaurant. Throw in a pair or $4 fishnets and heels that are so tall planes have to fly around them and you've got yourself an amazon.com Halloween costume. Where's the originality? The innovation? I haven't seen a new one of those costumes since 'Nam. So, fucking fail costume designers, I present to you: The Best Costumes of 2009!



I feel like it's a great idea to incorporate current events into costume ideas (CHALLENGE: Try to spot 10 Billy Mays costumes on Halloween night!). What beter event to remind everyone of than the balloon boy? Take off with this sexy lady that looks freakishly similar to the hot blonde stewardess in Snakes on a Plane. All the guys will be wanting to spend the day in YOUR attic when you dazzle them with this great balloon buy costume. Only $19.95!



2009 is the year of costume revolution. Gone are the days of boring cop, cheerleader, and firefighter costumes. This year, try our brand new GREEN firefighter costume. Have you ever seen a firefighter wear green? We didn't fucking think so. Hell, wear some green lipstick like the girl in the picture. Eat some goddamn asparagus for all I care. It's green and original and you won't be wearing the same costume as that stupid bitch Paige Flegwood. What a whore. She totally copied your totally original 'sexy tennis player' costume idea. And then she had the balls to make out with Travis! It's time to show that slutbag who's the real queen of green. BUY IT! AAH!!! $55.99



Every girl is trying to make a statement with their costume, and what better way to do that then dressing as this fully operational battle station? You'll be getting plenty of proton torpedoes dropped down your exhaust pipe this Halloween. Includes battery powered tractor beam and light up planet destroying laser. Guys won't be able to repel style of that magnitude! $28.99


-Trevor Seyfried