Bullspit - Julian Burg Blog #2

So I guess I have sort of a bad habit of bullshitting people with a straight face. It’s funny what kind of absurd shit you can make people believe so long as you don’t crack a smile. I thought I’d share a few choice examples. Over the summer a boss of mine found out I like to make music and came up to me like “so hey man, I heard about your little side business… you make music or something?” I just felt like fucking with him so I was like, “oh what, my film score stuff?”
“you do film score?”
“yep.”
“like what have you scored?”
“you know The Wrestler?”
“noo way. That was you?”
“yep.”
“get the fuck out of here. For real?”
“yea, check this out…” (I proceed to do my shitty rendition of the Bruce Springsteen theme song like ‘have you ever seen a one legged dog something something something…’)
“Whoa man, nice!”

Well, I let him down easy and told him the truth—that I did NOT, in fact, score The Wrestler, and that I’m pretty positive it doesn’t have a score at all. In fairness though, you wouldn’t expect someone to lie about something as mundane/not tight at all as that, so I don’t really judge him for being gullible.

I’m more likely to judge people, for example, when they believe things like I’m half black and half Puerto Rican. Long story short, I told this to a couple of drunk girls a few months ago and they believed me. To set the record, I would describe myself as, uh, white (double-underlined) and maybe sorta Jewy. I had forgotten that I said this until weeks later when my friend said he was with those girls and my name came up in conversation and they were like, “wait, that half black half Puerto Rican guy?” That shit still cheers me up on rough days.

So I fully own up to bullshitting people, but sometimes I just make what I think is a clear joke and people don’t follow. Yesterday I was getting some food and they asked for my name, and I said Julian. The lady goes, “Julia?” I corrected her, and she says, “oh, hah, that makes a little more sense.” I took the opportunity to make a minor joke and I was like, “yea, I’m actually in a transitional stage. I’m going from Julian to Julia.” I swear I was smiling when I said it though, like all the body language indicators of a joke. The lady looks at me pretty sternly and says, “you know, my daughter did that. Went from Joseph to Joanne. So you can ask me anything you like. You on the hormones yet?”

Not really the response I was going for.

Well so the real reason I wanted to write about this topic was to share my recent experience when my mouth sort of caught up to me. But in the interest of the word count, I think I’ll save it for next time. Just know it involves a pseudo-crackhead, rap songs, and regret. Stay tuned/don't sleep.