Sex in the Kitchen (cody reiss)

It seems like college is set up to prevent kids from having sex. It makes sense; obviously our school isn’t trying to have a bunch of baby mamas and papas running around. The first technique they use is co-ed bathrooms. Its pretty hard to get in “the mood” when you’re forced to take a dump next to the people you’re trying to woo. I mean I’m not saying that it’s hard to get girls that are interested. I mean how could girls not be interested when they see me walking down the hall in my silk robe, wearing $2 bright blue sandals and holding my matching blue shower bag. I walk around the halls, and girls are like “that guy is fucking sexy, sexy as fuck that guy is.” See… getting the girls is not the issue. It’s bringing them back to your room, which most often smells like pizza and weed, and getting the seduction on. Most often I’ll put on some Alanis Morrisette tracks, to really set the mood. Not to say that I don’t look absolutely sexy struggling to hop onto my bed, which for some reason is inconveniently placed way too many feet off the ground. Even if I do manage to pull myself onto my bed with grace, there is only about five feet across to work with. So I’m forced to make suave moves on this girl while I am pushed into the corner against the wall. With sexual contact in the dorms comes the conflict of “sexiling” you’re roommate when you’re trying to get it on. And when this happens you feel like you have to justify it to your roommate. “You made me sleep on the floor in John’s room… and all you got was some uncomfortable snuggling, and a 5 minute make out session?” “yeah bro… sorry.”