Why Isn't My Life A Sitcom?

So the other night before I drifted off into dreams and after I listened to “Don’t Stop Believin’ on repeat to make my miserable, lonely life feel better, I thought to myself, why the fuck hasn’t NBC tapped me to star in their brand new Thursday night hit? I don’t want to star in their scripted stuff though, I just want there to be a sitcom about my life. Some witty name will be thought up like “The Kat’s Meow” and it will just show the day to day activities of me and the weird ass people I meet. Take for example the black, gay checker at Safeway that rang me out the other day. Now, this man is someone that is from two historically oppressed groups. As I was buying my delicious Maruchan brand Mac and Cheese, he picks up the package and says really loudly “What the FUCK? I didn’t even know Asians were allowed to eat mac and cheese?!” This baffled my mind, because I didn’t think any entire ethnic group would ban the delicious combination of pasta and melted cheese AND why did he ever think Asians would be the ones to do it? Would they get together at their next offical meeting and have the secretary say something like “uhh okay we’ve decided to keep the terrible driving and misogyny but we’re fucking gettin’ rid of that mac and cheese! I wanted to talk to this man further, but my busy filming schedule meant that I could not.

My next weird encounter was when I was enjoying a nice walk near the beach. I passed a group of men, probably around 40 to 50 years in age, and I mean, being the beautiful woman I am (real women have curves!) I felt that their eyes were watching me. I turned around (naturally to give them my number and let them ogle me some more) just in time to hear one sing to me “Hey prettttty lady…you got a lot of junk in your trunk.” I thought to myself that this man must obviously be Shakespeare, and in that moment I silently thanked my mom for giving me the genes for this lady hump that I’ve been carryin’ around since the 5th grade.

You know you love me,
Xoxo Kat Brown