Scott Curtis Blog # 3

As you are reading this government agents who are answerable to no one and are armed with unlimited resources and the USA PATRIOT act are surveilling every moment of your pathetically insignificant life. UCSC has recently attracted the attention of Federal agents determined to seriously fuck up your day. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your ephemeral life running away from black helicopters and our nation’s deadliest special forces operators then your survival will entirely depend upon your willingness to follow these simple directives:

#1 Open the back of your cell phone, remove the sim card and destroy it. Then go to a dinning hall and replace it with the sim card of an unattended Freshman’s phone. They are naive and do not guard their property. This will ensure your telephone conversations can not be easily traced. Repeat this step every week. If you have a Verison phone your best option is to sell it for meth because your life is fucked anyway.

#2 Turn in papers for classes under an assumed name, this will ensure that your professors can’t match your face with your true identity, and betray you to the authorities.

#3 Modern Laser Microphones work by recording the tiny vibrations that sound waves create on window panes, and decoding the data with a computer algorithm into crystal clear audio. This technology is so sensitive that it can even pickup whispers. Jam their laser microphones by taping personal massagers (i.e. huge fucking Vibrators) onto all windows in your residence.

#4 Turn down the sexual advances of anyone and everyone, except me... you can trust my thunder-cock. There is no way of knowing how deeply the government has penetrated into your social network.

#5 On that note, consider your family to be potential moles (informants) limit your exposure to them and deny them any circumstantial knowledge of what you’re doing at college... If they persist in questioning you then break-off contact completely.

#6 Live on Pacific avenue, not in a building but on the street. The homeless wander around town virtually undetected.

If you’ve made it this far you are well on your way to becoming an untraceable super-agent. Or at least you’ll be known as the meth-addicted family-less weirdo who taped sex-toys to windows until you dropped out of college in order to keep the government out of your mind by living in the gutter.