trading places

Michael Platten
November 11, 2009
Trading Places
So I often imagine what it’d be like to trade places with famous people. The other day I day dreamed of what it’d be like to be Danny Devito. First I’d wake up, I wouldn’t see anything cause my glasses are on the bedside table. I’d then reach for them, but realize halfway that my arms are about 2 feet shorter than I thought. Once up, I’d lather up my face with shaving cream using my grubby little fingers. Freaking myself out because I look like a garden gnome. Then I’d hop in the shower and use my foot stool so I could turn the water on. After waddling out of the shower I would greet my wife and 3 children and be pissed that I’m the smallest one. Then I’d go to work, again where my fame stems from my height being that of a 5 year old boy with stunted growth. After an excruciating hour of working with that guy from “it’s always sunny in Philadelphia” with the voice of a dying veloci raptor, I would strap on my five inch platform boots so I could drive home.
Sometimes my snap back into reality can come quite unpleasantly or pleasantly. Like in this example someone just spilled a bunch of freezing slushy on my body. The person who spilled it was so apologetic, I just had to calm them down and tell them “No, thank you, you just freed me from a much darker and colder place”