WoUCSCQ

Alright, for the last blog I do I think I'll nerd out a bit. Recently, Massively Multiplayer Online Games (MMOs) have become the easiest way to sell your soul to the internet for only $15 a month. I, too, was once sucked into this geek sensation sweeping the nation. But after you kill your 700^th dragon and conjure fire on your 345^th troll, everything seems to start meshing together. Society has turned fantasy into a bland and unoriginal mushpile of swords and sorcerers. I feel that a truly innovative game must break out of the fantasy shell. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you World of UC Santa Cruz Quest

This breakthrough MMO puts you in control of an online UC Santa Cruz student! Level up by avoiding doing actual work as much as possible. Earn even bigger XP boosts by smoking in the forest beforehand! Grab your friends on a Friday night and participate in epic party quests before you get broken up by the in-game peacekeepers!

Choose from any one of the unique and fun classes!

The Hipster:

The Hipster starts with a special in-game road bike mount, but is only able to use this mount for the entire game. Equip your man-purse and increase its stats by adding on as many ironic political pins that you can find! The Hipster is a very fragile class, but what it lacks for in stamina, it makes up for in individuality.

The Hook:

The Hook is primarily a buffing class, providing medicinal herbs to the rest of his allies. The Hook can only wear flannel-type items and can only change armor every 5 days, however, the Hook has the added benefit of getting a lot of money from out of nowhere to pay for things that he does not need. The Hook is the most sought-after of any class in World of UC Santa Cruz Quest and is a good choice for any players who don't mind finishing the game in over 6 years.

The Frat:

The Frat is the toughest class in World of UC Santa Cruz Quest, but a Frat cannot cast spells due to its low intelligence rating. The Frat is also the rarest class played in World of UC Santa Cruz Quest because there is no player housing available for Frat guilds. Instead Frats must party with other classes as much as possible. Frats can put out a lot of damage with their ping-pong ball projectile attack and popped collar razor headbutt attack.

Look for WoUCSCQ in stores January 2010!

-Trevor Seyfried

Vamps

Emily Selya

Comedy Blog

What is with the obsession over the vampire film Twilight? The fans are all literally insane. A few girls scratched their necks until they bled and then begged the star of the film, Robert Pattinson, to bite them and change them into vampires. Don’t they realize that Robert Pattinson is not actually a vampire but just an actor? They are truly insane. My cousin is one of these crazy fans and firmly believes as long as Robert is single she has “a shot with him.” First off he’s a huge celebrity and second off she is thirteen years old. Why do people believe just because he is single he will be with them? People are really obnoxious and obsessed with this series. You say the name Edward they scream, have pale skin they scream, say there is a ‘new moon’ out in the sky and they scream, it is absolutely ridiculous. I have even heard that there are girls that put their dildos in the freezer so that it would be like fucking a vampire. What is wrong with our world? These people are crazy and Robert Pattinson was even hit by a car running from crazy fans. Since this film became so big the television network is putting anything vampire up and people are watching it. They have shows like the vampire diaries and true blood (which is actually good). No one seems to think there is anything wrong with a one-hundred and nine year old vampire stalker being with a teenage girl. The whole thing is bizarre and wrong. Twilight’s popularity is really freaking out born again christains and they say “Twilight and Harry Potter are the devils tools.” Ironically Robert Pattinson starred in both films making him the most hated person among born again Christians. All I have to say to crazy twilight fans is stop fucking popsicles and get a life.

Fish Rock

I’ve been playing drums since I was in the 6th grade. Originally, It was John Bonham that made me pick up the sticks. But my skills had me settle for lesser inspiration in Paul Rudd, the drummer of AC/DC. I was in a band for a few days called the Kentucky Fried Bunnies. We quickly disbanded after we butchered Green Day’s “Brain Stew.” It was many years before my scars from that fateful performance healed. Friends of mine had started a band. And a guitar playing buddy of mine were discussing Zep Zeppelin lore. When his father overheard us and relayed a story he had heard about them beating a groupie with a cold, dead fish we decided to form a band. 

This intense fascination with fish goes far back. I am a pisces. But more specifically, when I was 9 and my sister was 11 we filled a plastic bag with palmolive and boaked (my new past tense of bike) down to the Seal Beach City Hall. There was a courtyard with a waterfall fountain. We just tossed the whole thing in there knowing our finger prints were not waterproof. Our mom taught us that. She also taught us to keep a look out for our crimes in the police reports for the next couple days. We had our eyes peeled for some type of vandalism to city property, but certainly were not ready for the contents of the report. Fish Murder!

This morbid lesson, “look before you add soap” was learned in full.  I remember saying sorry to each and everyone of those 17 dead fish each night for weeks. And I believe it is this very thing that attracted me to rejoin a musical group. You get shown the light in the the strangest of places if you look at it right. I'm Andrew Hine

Blog #4- 'Stand up comedy is like sex' my ass! - James Farmer

Stand up comedy isn't like sex at all for a lot of reasons. First off, sex is done in the safety of your home (or not, if that's your thing) while stand up comedy is done in front of a live audience. If it was the opposite, that would be really awkward either way.

If you get laughs during stand up comedy, that's a great sign, and you're doing a good job. If you get laughs during sex, it's almost never a good sign. In fact, it can be very destroying to one's self esteem. I personally only get a few chuckles during sex, and then a lot of disappointing sighs.

And with sex, there's not nearly as much pressure. Sure, I may be judged by my performance, but at least I'm not getting a letter grade. It's kinda like a pass/no pass class, except way better. It also seems I get way too much stage time with stand up comedy, and almost no stage time with sex. So I guess if I was having sex for a letter grade, I might not get as good of a grade since I'm not doing it as much. But I'm sure if there actually was a sex class, more people will be willing to do study sessions since they also must study for the exam. Could you study alone for such a class? I mean, I guess you could masturbate, but that would probably only be part of the final. Or maybe you could watch porno, but that's like watching a stand up comedy show instead of rehearsing. Ok, I'm thinking way too much into this.

But then again, a sex class would be interesting. Not like sex education, but like, a class about how to have sex. I don't know how well it would go, though. I imagine it would fill up very, very fast, so only Seniors will have the chance to take that class. And what kind of elective would it fill? Is it a science class, or perhaps an art class? Maybe there's several different classes, like lower and upper division courses. How fucking rad would that be to tell someone "Yeah, I got an A in Sex 109. It's the final upper division sex course," But then, that might be a turn off, since that means that that specific person also did a lot of 'studying,' and I could only imagine how risky having sex with someone who did a lot of studying for that class would be.

Because you can't just have sex with one person, you studies must be diversified! That would be like only studying simple polynomial differentiation and saying "I know everything there is to know about Calculus," So maybe a sex class wouldn't be such a good idea. Plus, it would probably take the fun out of sex. I mean, sex is something you do to AVOID homework. That is, if you are able to have sex on that much of a whim. Not all of us are that fortunate. I, for one, can't have sex that easily. And maybe that's not such a good thing right now, but at least I know that the times I do have sex, it's actually really awesome, and usually a highlight for that week. It certainly beats studying. And maybe that's why we don't have sex classes: Sex may either be something very special with a loved one, or done in an anonymous room at a sweet party, but one thing's for sure, it's something to be looked forward to. And having it as a class, well, who looks forward to studying? Even last year when I had game design classes, it was still a pain to research something think is pretty cool.

Wow, if I spent this much time thinking about things that are actually important, then I'd probably be a better person right now.

So in conclusion, stand up comedy isn't like sex in the least bit. And if sex was LIKE stand up comedy class, then sex would probably be worse than stand up comedy.

-James Farmer

This is It Friends. 4th by Kirill Zaitsev

Let’s discuss a few of my itsy-winny-bitsy (they’re really minute) Pet peeves.

1. People having discussions in narrow corridors.

I love debating about whether or not Jesus would eaten turkey as much as the next dude, but there is a place for that discussion, namely NOT in the middle of a path. People commonly bump into friends (I’m not against this) and start talking (also cool with me) right in the middle of sidewalks (GRRRR go die). Please take one giant step to the left, and carry on. These people also have the nerve to give ME funny looks when I have to circumnavigate them; “what’s wrong with you?” the looks ask.

Dear Santa, I would like a high voltage cattle prod for Christmas.

2. Slow people at the salad bar.

I’m a vegan, i.e. I eat more vegetables than the population of a small southern state does. So if you are in line in front of me at Fresh Choice, and are trying to pick which wedge of carrot you like the most… you are depriving me of my fix, and if you change your mind about which cherry tomato you want one more time, I will set you on fire (or cattle prod you once my Christmas Wishes come true) Don’t mess with Vegans, when we’re hungry we mean business.

3. Ugly curtains.

Okay, this is the only thing in the world I invoke my I’m-Gay-so-I-know-better-because-its-in-my-DNA credential (and when I complain about place settings, and when I defend not knowing what sport the Red Sox play). If you hung something up over your windows that looks like it was just used to wipe up an oil spill/ spent 5000 years in the 7^th circle of hell/ is something Ray Charles would have choose, then I WILL comment. I’ll be subtle “did those come with the house?” or “These must have saved you a fortune!” or if I’ve had some wine: “Do you really want to know why your husband left you? Follow me, here it is! Hanging right there in front of your windows!”

That’s All folks.

Fire fire fire! Tyler Watson's blog

Hi, I’m a fireman, and you know what that means? I look good with my shirt off. No, I kid, that is a stereotype and I am not for them. I am a fireman, but that has nothing to do with what I am about to tell you. I found a dead bird in my mailbox today. It was decaying and smelled like all hell. No, I kid, I just got my mail today. I like to imagine strange things happening to me. I am a fireman though, we haven’t had much action the past month, and I’m not talking about fires! No, I kid, I did mean the fires. We have only been called as paramedics, no fires the past month which is crazy because it has been a blistering month. No, I kid, it’s been freezing, a very cold november. But that usually means that people’s fireplace fires get out of hand here or there. Were waiting for a call, and I’ll be ready. Until then we’ve been playing lots of poker. No, I kid, I take my job very seriously. But we do play poker now and again. I’m not very good. No, I kid, I do quite well for myself. I am looking for a girlfriend though, so if you read this and you’re interested you should give me a call at 899-6758. No, I kid, that’s not really my phone number and I’m actually married. It was a joke.