I went shopping with my girlfriend last weekend, which was a bigger mistake than saying, “I love you” to her. After only a third into our shopping trip, which was about nine hours, I realized something. It is an instinct for women to shop the way they do and for men to shop the way they do. We can go all the way back to when the only thing to shop for were animals. Let me make this easier for you to understand. Pretend the rabbit represents a sweater. Women like to observe the rabbit/look at the true color of the sweater. Women like to pet the rabbit/ feel the fabric of the sweater. Women like to try on rabbit by putting it on their heads/ women like to try on the sweater. In the end, after five hours, women just either take the rabbit/sweater home or throw it back in the wild/put it back in the rack. Men are completely different, but a lot simpler. All they do is shoot the rabbit and eat it for supper/buy the sweater and put it on at the parking lot. No need to observe, or try it on, or feel the fabric.
Shopping hurts me so much when I’m with my girlfriend. I don’t know what is more in pain when I’m in the mall, my tired legs from walking from Abercrombie to Banana Republic twenty seven times or my hands from reaching down my back pocket and spending everything I have. I guess my wallet is the one that is truly suffering. I just strip a little bit of it every time I purchase something. By the end of the day my wallet feels cold and naked, just like the hunted rabbit.
Nathan Habib
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Uhoh, I'm Late...
I know what you're thinking, but no I'm not pregnant. That's one of the perks of diverting from God's true path.
By: Jackie, Dyke.
So it's taken me a while to find a way to find a way around illiteracy, but I am finally completing this assignment through dictation to my roommate. He owes me a favor since I stopped using Britney Spears as an alarm clock. Speaking of Britney Spears, my brother's a homo. Once I came out, I asked him if he was going to tell Mom and Dad also, but he goes, “Are you kidding?! After the way they treated you?” Hahaha dick. My other brother was a little more sensitive. He told me he's not upset that I'm a lesbian. But he is upset that I ruined his fantasies about lesbians, “Cuz now it's like – Dude, that's your sister.” Ya bro, I'm sorry, I can see how this whole experience has been really hard for you...asshole. Luckily my little brother is cool with it. When I took him trick-or-treating last year, he helped me vandalize all the Yes on 8 signs on our neighbor's lawns. Ha and Christian parents were worried about the gays teaching marriage to their kids...here's some real sin for you!
By: Jackie, Dyke.
So it's taken me a while to find a way to find a way around illiteracy, but I am finally completing this assignment through dictation to my roommate. He owes me a favor since I stopped using Britney Spears as an alarm clock. Speaking of Britney Spears, my brother's a homo. Once I came out, I asked him if he was going to tell Mom and Dad also, but he goes, “Are you kidding?! After the way they treated you?” Hahaha dick. My other brother was a little more sensitive. He told me he's not upset that I'm a lesbian. But he is upset that I ruined his fantasies about lesbians, “Cuz now it's like – Dude, that's your sister.” Ya bro, I'm sorry, I can see how this whole experience has been really hard for you...asshole. Luckily my little brother is cool with it. When I took him trick-or-treating last year, he helped me vandalize all the Yes on 8 signs on our neighbor's lawns. Ha and Christian parents were worried about the gays teaching marriage to their kids...here's some real sin for you!
Comedy Blog #3, By Tyler Thompson
Between Facebook, Scientology, and Miley Cyrus, there's no doubt that today's world is completely and totally fucked. But I have to say, I love the fact that I'm alive at this moment in time; I wouldn't trade it for any other time period. Imagine how shitty it would have been to be alive 200 years ago. Hardly anyone was educated, the most we knew about medicine was that pouring alcohol on a wound might prevent that limb from getting infected and falling off, and the closest thing we had to a rager was the Boston Tea Party. Now, you can make fun of our reliance on technology today all you want. You might even have a few good points, but I won't hear you because I'm listening to my iPod with my new noise canceling headphones, which I love by the way.
My biggest complaint about today is that humans are forced to work so hard, even in America. It's like, we make a machine that eliminates the need for human labor, but instead of letting humans work less, we find pointless things for them to do with their time and call it a job (see insurance companies).
However, the people who want to see us take a step back from science and get back in touch with nature are crazy if they think that is actually attainable. For those of you who have lived under a rock your entire lives, there are close to 7 billion people on this planet, about 6.99 billion more than the earths "natural" carrying capacity. Like it or not, science got us into this mess, and nothing but science, condoms, and perhaps a few nuclear bombs will get us out of it.
My biggest complaint about today is that humans are forced to work so hard, even in America. It's like, we make a machine that eliminates the need for human labor, but instead of letting humans work less, we find pointless things for them to do with their time and call it a job (see insurance companies).
However, the people who want to see us take a step back from science and get back in touch with nature are crazy if they think that is actually attainable. For those of you who have lived under a rock your entire lives, there are close to 7 billion people on this planet, about 6.99 billion more than the earths "natural" carrying capacity. Like it or not, science got us into this mess, and nothing but science, condoms, and perhaps a few nuclear bombs will get us out of it.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Blog #3: James Farmer VS Cafe Pergolesi hipster
So I had a fight with a hipster the other day. There were no fists thrown or clubs swung, just snobby, music-pretentious smirks and comments. It started out when I walked into Cafe Pergolesi (of course it's going to be a Cafe Pergolesi, where else?) and I saw a group this one guy with a HEALTH T shirt (HEALTH is a band). He was talking with his friends, being all cool and hip, and I said "Hey, I like your shirt!" and without turning his head, he slightly eye'd me and said "Uhh, it's a band." in a very snobbish way. When I replied, "No yeah, I like HEALTH. They're pretty cool," he finally craned his head in my direction and said, "I bet you only know about them because of Crystal Castles," and all of his friends gave me those oh-so-pitiful smirks and face-cringes in my direction. They must have taken me for some entry-level post-scene kid.
Now, I'm a HUGE music geek, but I know that being music pretentious gets you NOWHERE in life. True music fans aren't condescending, because that's really not what music is about. But when someone, especially at a place like Cafe Pergolesi, says crap like this, I have to at least defend myself.
"I saw them live back in 2006 randomly, so that's how I found out about them." I said, in a very optimistic tone of voice. He retorted, "Yeah, probably for when they opened for Crystal Castles. And besides, that's when they sold out. I saw them back in 2003 when they we're still underground."
At that moment, I was screaming CHECKMATE, YOU STUPID PRETENTIOUS PITCHFORK.COM READING FUCKING HIPSTER! But I kept my cool, and calmly replied, "You gotta be thinking of another band, because first off, HEALTH would't open for Crystal Castles because it was HEALTH that got Crystal Castles up and on their feet in the first place, so if anything Crystal Castles would open for HEALTH, especially since that was before Crystal Castles got their major break. And you couldn't have seen them back in 2003 because HEALTH wasn't even around until 2004."
I may as well have pulled his balls off right in front of all his friends. The look on his face, priceless. He stuttered for a moment, then finally said "Well...where did you see them?" I said, "Well, they were supposed to play at 12 Galaxies, but they ended up going to this psudo-venue/random guy's house called Hico's Place in Oakland."
"HA!" yelled the hipster, pointing a finger at me. "You're lying. There's no such thing as a Hico's Place in Oakland." Suddenly, his friend from behind said, "No, I think that place is real. Isn't it on a second floor and owned by some old dude with tons of music instruments?" "Yeah, that's the one! With the couches and shelves of records."
Scratch that last statement. I may as well have pulled his balls off WHILE his friends were stabbing him in the back. I then had a friendly conversation with that guy while the main snobby hipster sat there in shambles. I mean, even if he did out smart me in that conversation, I wouldn't really have cared. But seeing how I gave this pretentious scenester a taste of his own medicine, maybe he'll think twice before talking shit to someone when they're trying to give him a compliment.
I mean, it was a pretty cool shirt.
-James Farmer
Now, I'm a HUGE music geek, but I know that being music pretentious gets you NOWHERE in life. True music fans aren't condescending, because that's really not what music is about. But when someone, especially at a place like Cafe Pergolesi, says crap like this, I have to at least defend myself.
"I saw them live back in 2006 randomly, so that's how I found out about them." I said, in a very optimistic tone of voice. He retorted, "Yeah, probably for when they opened for Crystal Castles. And besides, that's when they sold out. I saw them back in 2003 when they we're still underground."
At that moment, I was screaming CHECKMATE, YOU STUPID PRETENTIOUS PITCHFORK.COM READING FUCKING HIPSTER! But I kept my cool, and calmly replied, "You gotta be thinking of another band, because first off, HEALTH would't open for Crystal Castles because it was HEALTH that got Crystal Castles up and on their feet in the first place, so if anything Crystal Castles would open for HEALTH, especially since that was before Crystal Castles got their major break. And you couldn't have seen them back in 2003 because HEALTH wasn't even around until 2004."
I may as well have pulled his balls off right in front of all his friends. The look on his face, priceless. He stuttered for a moment, then finally said "Well...where did you see them?" I said, "Well, they were supposed to play at 12 Galaxies, but they ended up going to this psudo-venue/random guy's house called Hico's Place in Oakland."
"HA!" yelled the hipster, pointing a finger at me. "You're lying. There's no such thing as a Hico's Place in Oakland." Suddenly, his friend from behind said, "No, I think that place is real. Isn't it on a second floor and owned by some old dude with tons of music instruments?" "Yeah, that's the one! With the couches and shelves of records."
Scratch that last statement. I may as well have pulled his balls off WHILE his friends were stabbing him in the back. I then had a friendly conversation with that guy while the main snobby hipster sat there in shambles. I mean, even if he did out smart me in that conversation, I wouldn't really have cared. But seeing how I gave this pretentious scenester a taste of his own medicine, maybe he'll think twice before talking shit to someone when they're trying to give him a compliment.
I mean, it was a pretty cool shirt.
-James Farmer
An Early Blog #3 - by Chris Nuth
Well, I am writing this on Sunday the 8th because I've spent the whole day watching TV and I need to feel productive. With one eye watching my DVR and the other on my laptop, I write, because I must.
My birthday is November 11th, the day before the blog is due, and I'm probably going to be really drunk so I figure - write now while I only have a buzz on. I'm turning...older, and I have decided to reevaluate my life. No more wasting my life! That stops now, after my best years are past me! I have a great birthday party planned - homework. Seriously, I have to start making a film that day, and I'm spending all of my birthday money to make it.
The only good part about this birthday is its on Veteran's Day. I always have a holiday birthday, which means no school and the pharmacies are closed. It's better than having your birthday on Christmas or some bullshit, because no one really celebrates Veterans Day and all that precious attention is on you.
There aren't any Veteran's Day Hallmark Cards, which means it isn't a real holiday. I support the troops, but they need a better theme that card companies can get behind. How about making a Santa Claus like Veteran that brings back candy and treats for the families back home? A cute little rabbit in fatigues, using a K-BAR to cut a slice of cake for a guy with a less than normal amount of limbs? That'd be cool. Make a real holiday out of Veteran's Day, or just leave me those morsels of delicious attention. I really don't care. But I wouldn't mind more presents.
- Chris
My birthday is November 11th, the day before the blog is due, and I'm probably going to be really drunk so I figure - write now while I only have a buzz on. I'm turning...older, and I have decided to reevaluate my life. No more wasting my life! That stops now, after my best years are past me! I have a great birthday party planned - homework. Seriously, I have to start making a film that day, and I'm spending all of my birthday money to make it.
The only good part about this birthday is its on Veteran's Day. I always have a holiday birthday, which means no school and the pharmacies are closed. It's better than having your birthday on Christmas or some bullshit, because no one really celebrates Veterans Day and all that precious attention is on you.
There aren't any Veteran's Day Hallmark Cards, which means it isn't a real holiday. I support the troops, but they need a better theme that card companies can get behind. How about making a Santa Claus like Veteran that brings back candy and treats for the families back home? A cute little rabbit in fatigues, using a K-BAR to cut a slice of cake for a guy with a less than normal amount of limbs? That'd be cool. Make a real holiday out of Veteran's Day, or just leave me those morsels of delicious attention. I really don't care. But I wouldn't mind more presents.
- Chris
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Victor Nguyen Blog#2: Me, my friend, and his girlfriend
During the summer, me, my friend, and his girlfriend shared an apartment. Living with them was extremely awkward. I’ve been single my entire life, but their presence was a horrible constant reminder of it. I’d be watching a show and they’d be making out nearby. It’s especially sad when we eat. We all agreed at the start that we would all get our own food. However, it was more like I get my own food while my friend and his girlfriend cook food for each other. If anybody walked in it would have been a very pathetic sight to see a couple laughing and eating homemade curry together while I’m sitting by myself eating instant noodles and watching some cartoons. It was pretty bad sharing a bathroom with them since there was only one for the three of us. I think it’s cute for them to take a shower together, but God damn it! The lone guy needs to take a leak and it didn’t seem like they plan to leave the bathroom anytime soon.
It’s also pretty bad when her parents come by to visit and deliver some supplies. Now I’ve seen those movies where the parents interview the boyfriend, but I didn’t know it applies to housemates too. Somewhere along the line I got asked how come I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t want to say that women intimidate me, so I tried to play it cool by saying I wasn’t interested in romance. Unfortunately, this was the wrong answer because the mom then proceeds to ask me if I’m gay….after thinking about this for a while, I don’t think there was a right or wrong answer to that ‘cause by the end of the day they’re probably still wondering if I’m having a threesome with them.
Then there was the night life. Every now and then I’d wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the wall thumping. On nights like those I just end up sighing and looking at my hand, “Well looks like it’s just you and me.” I live in the apartments on campus now, so I don’t have to deal with that anymore, but sometimes I wake up at night with the sound of thumping from my housemate’s room next door.
It’s also pretty bad when her parents come by to visit and deliver some supplies. Now I’ve seen those movies where the parents interview the boyfriend, but I didn’t know it applies to housemates too. Somewhere along the line I got asked how come I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t want to say that women intimidate me, so I tried to play it cool by saying I wasn’t interested in romance. Unfortunately, this was the wrong answer because the mom then proceeds to ask me if I’m gay….after thinking about this for a while, I don’t think there was a right or wrong answer to that ‘cause by the end of the day they’re probably still wondering if I’m having a threesome with them.
Then there was the night life. Every now and then I’d wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the wall thumping. On nights like those I just end up sighing and looking at my hand, “Well looks like it’s just you and me.” I live in the apartments on campus now, so I don’t have to deal with that anymore, but sometimes I wake up at night with the sound of thumping from my housemate’s room next door.
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