Blog #3: James Farmer VS Cafe Pergolesi hipster

So I had a fight with a hipster the other day. There were no fists thrown or clubs swung, just snobby, music-pretentious smirks and comments. It started out when I walked into Cafe Pergolesi (of course it's going to be a Cafe Pergolesi, where else?) and I saw a group this one guy with a HEALTH T shirt (HEALTH is a band). He was talking with his friends, being all cool and hip, and I said "Hey, I like your shirt!" and without turning his head, he slightly eye'd me and said "Uhh, it's a band." in a very snobbish way. When I replied, "No yeah, I like HEALTH. They're pretty cool," he finally craned his head in my direction and said, "I bet you only know about them because of Crystal Castles," and all of his friends gave me those oh-so-pitiful smirks and face-cringes in my direction. They must have taken me for some entry-level post-scene kid.

Now, I'm a HUGE music geek, but I know that being music pretentious gets you NOWHERE in life. True music fans aren't condescending, because that's really not what music is about. But when someone, especially at a place like Cafe Pergolesi, says crap like this, I have to at least defend myself.

"I saw them live back in 2006 randomly, so that's how I found out about them." I said, in a very optimistic tone of voice. He retorted, "Yeah, probably for when they opened for Crystal Castles. And besides, that's when they sold out. I saw them back in 2003 when they we're still underground."

At that moment, I was screaming CHECKMATE, YOU STUPID PRETENTIOUS PITCHFORK.COM READING FUCKING HIPSTER! But I kept my cool, and calmly replied, "You gotta be thinking of another band, because first off, HEALTH would't open for Crystal Castles because it was HEALTH that got Crystal Castles up and on their feet in the first place, so if anything Crystal Castles would open for HEALTH, especially since that was before Crystal Castles got their major break. And you couldn't have seen them back in 2003 because HEALTH wasn't even around until 2004."

I may as well have pulled his balls off right in front of all his friends. The look on his face, priceless. He stuttered for a moment, then finally said "Well...where did you see them?" I said, "Well, they were supposed to play at 12 Galaxies, but they ended up going to this psudo-venue/random guy's house called Hico's Place in Oakland."

"HA!" yelled the hipster, pointing a finger at me. "You're lying. There's no such thing as a Hico's Place in Oakland." Suddenly, his friend from behind said, "No, I think that place is real. Isn't it on a second floor and owned by some old dude with tons of music instruments?" "Yeah, that's the one! With the couches and shelves of records."

Scratch that last statement. I may as well have pulled his balls off WHILE his friends were stabbing him in the back. I then had a friendly conversation with that guy while the main snobby hipster sat there in shambles. I mean, even if he did out smart me in that conversation, I wouldn't really have cared. But seeing how I gave this pretentious scenester a taste of his own medicine, maybe he'll think twice before talking shit to someone when they're trying to give him a compliment.

I mean, it was a pretty cool shirt.

-James Farmer