Mike Madden, My Apartment

Being in an apartment is something that is truly wonderful. I feel some ownership to it without ever pissing all over everything. That is, other than the time I feel asleep on the couch drunk. I couldn't control my bladder. What really gets me about my apartment are Asians! For some damn reason, my apartment has turned into something close to an Asian staging area. I feel like if there was a fire on campus or some shit, they would all report to my fucking living room! Now, of course the reason Asians are occupying my valuable space at all hours is two of my apartment mates are cute Asian girls, which means a bunch of desperate messes who are Asian can't be anywhere but the Asian Clubhouse at 2203! I have learned that it is a normal thing I walk out into the kitchen and see some Asian dude completely by himself sitting there playing his Nintendo and watching some shit on the lifetime channel. And for some stupid-shit reason, all the guys that come over are either named Benny or Ben. At least it is some white name that I can remember. Shit. Even one of my roommates, who is Asian, is getting pissed off at all the desperados coming over to be whipped by the girls! I think that every time they come over, they need to bring the gift of Asian school girls and orange chicken. That would make up for them watching Hannah Montana shit in my apartment.