Apartments

Michael Madden
10/13/2009

Living in an apartment my second year of college is a blessing in every way. I have the opportunity to leave my shit wherever I choose without having to worry about some asshole taking it. I can walk around in my boxers freely at all hours of the day, even when guests are over. I can even walk around the apartment with everything hanging out when people are not home, or even when people are home. Do you know why? Because it is my fucking apartment! I can do whatever the shit I want! But the one thing that really gets me about living in this promised land is the bathroom. Let me inform you of the bathroom problems. It seems like whatever I am doing in the bathroom, everyone else in the apartment will be able to hear it. If you whisper to yourself while you are making sweet and sensual hand-to-penis love in the shower, someone will definately hear it. If you have the squirts after breakfast, you will most likely be waking all of your housemates up to the sound of your ass cheeks flapping. Worst of all, any amount of flatulence can be heard while sitting on the toilet. It is like the fucking toilet is a fucking microphone! It is really quite amazing! Your housemate could be in the kitchen making a special batch of brownies and they could hear your farts as if they just happened in front of their mouths, slowly making their way down their throats! I can't really establish what might be worse. Hearing someone in the bathroom masturbating in their own masturbatoreum, or being the lucky individual that gets to do it. Either way, someone will gain some sort of pleasure I suppose...